Keeping Score

Sometimes, days go like this:

Today, I woke up, took down the Christmas tree, fed Buttons and the dogs breakfast, and assembled Button's step ladder I got for Christmas (so she can help in the kitchen...I'm so excited!)...before my husband got out of bed. I made a late breakfast for us all. Then, Buttons and I played in the snow a good 45 minutes. When we got in, we played for a few minutes and I put her down for her nap. I cleaned house and showered myself during nap. The afternoon went like this: fed Buttons lunch, baked (okay) banana bread, went grocery shopping, baked (terrible) French bread, made (delicious) soup for dinner. Now it's getting late and I'm feeling accomplished and reflecting on my hard work today, while I watch my husband play video games. He played video games much of the day...
And I start to get worked up and annoyed.

Since having Buttons, I've had days like this. I feel like things are unfair, and that I work harder than my husband does in the house. And some days, that's probably true. But when I'm having those moments of calculating video gaming hours vs my cleaning, cooking, and taking care of Buttons; I'm the person who loses in the end. 

I forget the moment when I tried to build a snowman but Buttons thought I was just gathering more snow for her to eat, so it never happened. I forget that the entire reason I did all that cooking today was because I wanted to, and because I got a lot of kitchen gadgets for Christmas I wanted to try out. I forget that I had time to eat dinner at my own pace because my husband changed the last poopy diaper of the day and put Buttons to bed. I even forget that I had time to do my fun cooking because my husband bathed Buttons after an especially sticky snack. I also don't look past today, which means that I forget that my husband drove 8 hours yesterday, partially in blowing snow, to get us home.

Household duties may not be split equally. They may be very unequal some days. But look at the overall. Look at your motivations. Ultimately, it shouldn't come down to keeping score. It should only come down to: does it work for your family? Are you happy? If the answer to either of these questions is no, have an honest conversation with your partner. That's going to help much more than stewing in your own negativity or complaining to a friend.

Mama Seal and Buttons in the snow

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